Managing Expectations (Part 2)

I have always been fascinated by human behavior and how people respond to the many types of life events we experience while living our lives. It is the end of month three on Remote Year 2 and some people have been challenged in ways they did not expect or hope to encounter. Physical, emotional and mental issues are bubbling up more frequently and they are coming out to the rest of the group in different forms. La Paz has brought out the best and worst in us as we have learned about each other in new ways. From dealing with sickness; how foreign health care systems work; what to do when there is an country wide internet outage; does the phone I have support enough of the right cellular bands to make calls over data or tether to; is the insurance a person selected good enough; and for a few very ‘lucky’ individuals what metal type and grade do they wanted surgically inserted into their body to repair broken bones.

Overall we have an opportunity for tremendous personal and professional growth during this time but it is easy to lose focus with so many interesting things to do. Remote Year is designed around constantly putting you in a new environment every month. Like it or not, each transition to a new place and the month living there will challenge each person in very unique ways. This can be good and bad depending on how prepared an individual is at the time a challenge presents itself. Similarly to my belief about most major cities, being in a new place constantly means you have tons of new temporary distractions to help you forget about not dealing with what is making you unhappy. At some point in time, those distractions are not going to be enough and whatever personal issues that an individual may be suppressing, between the start of this trip and some point in the future, will resurface potentially in a very bad way.

The three worst things I can think of doing in this situation are: 1) Not being self-aware; 2) Not dealing with unresolved personal issues that would hold a person back from truly benefiting from this program and; 3) Projecting ones unhappiness on the program or the individuals within the program. Ultimately each individual is responsible for their own happiness and dealing with their unhappiness. It doesn’t matter what new friendships you are making, who you surround yourself with, how much they may agree with your plight or what awesome country you happen to be browsing llama fetuses in. You know, for that special magical solution in the witches market.

El Alto, La Paz, Bolivia

This specific period of time during month three is certainly a difficult transition for many remotes as they sort through what is going on with themselves, internally and externally. To throw a monkey wrench into this lifestyle, the entire time people are gauging the overall pulse of the group. At times it feels like there is a fight or flight response or a there is church sewing circle in the lobby of a hotel where the conversation builds, Builds, BUILDS. Some of these outbursts of noise are positive reaffirmations about how something is going well. Other times, when some aspect of the program isn’t living up to an individual’s expectations, what is expressed is particularly negative. It’s difficult to weed through the voices of everyone who have varying degrees of opinions. For someone like myself who is fairly empathetic and channels the energy around me, experiencing varying degrees of negativity has been impacted me in ways I do not necessarily care for.

Managing Expectations

If you read Part One, defining ones purpose and our reasons for being here is an important first step we need to define for ourselves. Doing so sets the stage for defining our expectations. There are multiple levels of expectations at play here. The expectations of: the individual (yourself), fellow remotes, standards of living, Remote Year the overall program and the Remote Year staff that are travelling with us. Not to mention all of the random events and experiences we will encounter.

In the context of some issues people have been experiencing in La Paz this month, another remote asked me the other day if I had set my expectations too low. So low in fact, that it would be impossible for me to feel the way he did about the given topic or many others because of my approach to the situation. At the time I responded that I had set my expectations for South East Asia: very low. As I have replayed that conversation in my head a few times, I realize this is not entirely accurate.

This shit is hard.

I’m consciously aware that Remote Year is just a service provider at the end of the day. If you read the terms of service agreement it intentionally does not guarantee the services provided by who they are contracting with. How could they possibly guarantee something they have little control over? Much like those of us on the program, they are paying for a service and that service is going to experience issues from time to time. Remote Year will strive to achieve a certain level of service but their word is only as good as what the service provider articulates to them.

It is very easy to attach a human who cares to the face of this program. This comes in the form of a community coordinator, operations manager or owners yet it is important to keep in mind they are brokers between us and the service being provided no matter how much we love them.  It goes without saying but because of their business model, it is in the best interest of Remote Year to select the best service providers possible to ensure the success of the program and the individuals participating. One can split hairs about the the selected cities, infrastructure or service providers but realistically we have to set appropriate expectations and be prepared for problems so the impact to our experience is minimal.

While not 100% the same thing, I found it fitting this week that Gary Vaynerchuk posted a vlog about How to Deal with Haters & People Who Don’t Keep Their Word. I couldn’t agree more with his overall approach regardless of the context it is applied to. I’m not going to attempt to summarize it because I think it’s worth watching on your own. I attempt to conduct myself with friends, in business and generic planning of things in life similarly regardless if it involves another individual. Simply put, if plans change, adapt and move on. This is why to the disapproval of some here I’m ok when experiencing some turbulence on this trip. I’m not here for a smooth ride, I want to be challenged as it forces me to grow and find new solutions to problems.

Is the Death Road out to get Tiago? We will see. Death Road, Bolivia

My Expectations

Going back to the conversation the other day, what are my actual expectations? My mindset is set in such a way that I firmly believe Remote Year, as a relatively new program, will experience issues along the way and as the program ages these problems will decrease. I appreciate that they have disclosed a list of things they are going to strive towards, without it I would most likely not be here. At the same time, I’m not going to count on anything until it happens. If something falls through, hopefully I have made the necessary preparations to allow myself continue on this trip with minimal impact to my personal or professional life.

I’m not trying to roll through my time on this program with rose color glasses on. I feel that I have set realistic expectations of myself and Remote Year at this time in our journey. My expectations of this program stem from why I am here. I’ve said for a while that I only have one expectation of the Remote Year program. As a programmer, they must continue to provide a high speed internet option. (Notice I didn’t mention anything about reliability, uptime or experiencing network issues.) I require internet service for my job and for a long time I have said, without it I will not be along for the ride. The truth of the matter is I don’t like a middle man being in control of my employment situation. As a result, my expectations of what I actually expect to experience have evolved into the following things:

• There will be problems that will be out of my control;
• There will be problems that will be out of Remote Year’s control;
• There will be problems with the internet that I will need alternatives to, in every city;
• Remote Year is going to do it’s best to provide the necessary services via their service providers, required to operate this program as a work/travel program successfully;
• Remote Year will work with local service providers to resolve any issue(s) and provide timely updates about the status of said issue;
• I expect a place to lay my head at night that is relatively safe with varying degrees of standards of living that are appropriate for the city and country we are living in;
• I expect myself to be prepared with alternatives for any problem(s) that do arise to mitigate its impact on my personal or professional life regardless if any second or third party is responsible;
• I expect my fellow remotes to be adequately prepared for any problem(s) that do arise so we can rely on each other as necessary;
• I expect my expectations to change.

Evening stroll. La Paz, Bolivia

That list is fine and dandy, but distilling this further if you are reading between the lines, what I actually expect is for myself to be prepared to enjoy my time on Remote Year while being a responsible adult towards my employer by minimizing my codependence on anyone. This is no different than if I was on Remote Year or not. If there was an internet outage in Chicago while working from home or a co-working space in the states, I would either tether to my phone, use my MiFi, quickly find a new place with internet access or get my ass in a car and drive to the office. Before I left everything I knew, I made sure I have with me solid alternatives for when there is an internet disruption at the provided workspace or in worse-case scenario, an outage for multiple days. My actual thought process around this was, what would I do if I wasn’t traveling with Remote Year?

For the people that don’t share this mindset or are struggling, you may disagree but it might be time to recalibrate your expectations of the program to suit your needs based on what you have experienced thus far. At a minimum, be honest with yourself. Whether you want to admit it or not, you are solely responsible for your health, employment situation and other important aspects of your life. Putting complete faith in someone else to coordinate internet or cellular service in a third world country may not be the best approach to survival. One of the greatest benefits to this program is that they organize these services, for the mission critical services, it’s also one of the biggest flaws. I’m glad they are organizing these services for us and I’m glad it’s working out most of the time but it is important to set realistic expectations for the level of service you will receive in these challenging locations.

Ruins of Tiwanaku. Near La Paz, Bolivia

Final Thoughts

Regardless of what the issues are for a particular individual, we know based on everyday life rhetorical questions begin to be asked internally and externally when a person experiences something they did not want to be challenged with. In the context of Remote Year I have heard: Why am I here? Why isn’t Remote Year doing something about this? Should I be compensated with a discount? This isn’t the way it’s going to be in every country is it? In other words: How long will I remain on this program if the standards of living, I may or may not be imposing on the program, are not met? For some of the more trivial issues people are quick to push back but for the more serious issues, people are a bit more guarded about sharing their opinions for fear of losing a friend or isolating themselves. To that I say, whether you say it or not everyone knows you are thinking it because your words, actions or non-verbal communication gives it away. Share your opinions respectfully, mindfully and more importantly come up with creative solutions to help each other.

Knowing your why, having appropriate expectations and being prepared to adapt when problems arise is a great way to mitigate the personal challenges a given person will face during Remote year. For myself being on Remote Year has been a surreal experience, one filled with extreme highs and lows. Being able to be as flexible as possible and being prepared for the worst has been invaluable to my happiness and survival in this program.

There are people here who will wholeheartedly disagree with everything I just said and I’m ok with that. It’s up to each individual to figure out what works for them given their own personal expectations. At a minimum, hopefully this provoked some internal thinking. If you want to have a conversation over a beer, you know where to find me.

It’s a trap! Death Road, Bolivia.

The careful participant will notice I didn’t mention or base any of my expectations on the cost of the program. Glad you were paying attention.

Stay tuned for: The Entitlement Trap (Part 3)